OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS in Adoption

We do not choose the ideas we believe in...They choose us.

Chosen Children bookcover
This website inspired CHOSEN CHILDREN by Access Press and OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS by Greenhaven Press to which AmFOR contributed. Both books are available via Amazon-Kindle and AmFOR’s BOOKS page.


The Purpose of These Pages

Awareness of adoption issues, even as they impact one's own adoption-affected status, is often a process that spans many years of an adoptee's and relinquishing parent's life. Because the process of closed adoption was designed to be an adversarial one, the Opposing Viewpoints pages are for individuals who wish to have an open dialog to better understand and clarify views that seem to be in opposition. They will be categorized according to a predominately "pro-adoption" view or "anti-adoption" view, although each may have considerable "middle ground." Even where views are "poles apart," it is important to acknowledge opposing views in a free society, especially where such views concern best interests of children.


 

Pro-Adoption Viewpoints:

Adoption provides a better life for a child.

Bill Berle & Lori Carangelo (AmFOR), 10/2/99, Barnes & Noble, Palm Desert, CA, promoting their books, My Father Uncle Milty and The Ultimate Search Book-2011.

On 4/6/02, shortly after famed comedian Milton Berle's 3/28/02 death at age 93, Bill Berle, who was adopted by Miton and Ruth Berle in 1961, wrote:

I am convinced that you are sincere, and a firm believer in what you do under the circumstances where the people want it. I can see clearly that you are trying to do what you feel is right. ....I say that I had a very good life and [adoptive] family....and you say that who could have known how good my biological family might have been. The fact remains that I did have a good [adoptive] family, and that my life was good. Without adoption, my life might have been a lot worse, or that I might not have been as happy..... Children "scrape their elbows when playing baseball, even in adoptive families....

The world is overflowing with unwanted and disadvantaged children because of the stupidity of the average 16-30 year old girl. Girls allow themselves to become pregnant...(and their idiot boyfriends) keep manufacturing humans without any clue of how to take care of them. The anti-abortion lobby wants to stop the killing of unborn babies but after the babies are born, the right wingers don't want any part of taking responsibility for a poor starving child.


Adults' Need for Coverup Comes First

Lorinda Tolman at dtolman@pmt.org wrote:

"...I have helped many people in the last 9 years keep their records sealed, for their privacy, for their families and children's privacy....We fight people like YOU all the time trying to open up OUR records....I don't have a problem at all if you want your records on the front page of every newspaper in the world. But PLEASE leave MINE alone! I have a license in counseling! ...I do know my rights on the Net, dear, and when your site says "contact me!" I can. So in MY professional opinion, you need help!"


Not every adopted child was stolen.

Mary Wester wrote:

I plan to adopt a child when I'm 25 (per INS age requirement) because chances of my having my own children have been greatly reduced by endometriosis. While I certainly don't condone child stealing, in my eyes, that is not what adoption is about. Not every adopted child is stolen.

There are thousands of children in the United States and abroad who were legally abandoned by their parents. Adoption is right for some people. Abolish the criminals who steal babies, unlicensed agencies and sealed records laws, but not adoption as a whole.


Anti-Adoption Viewpoints:

Adoption is not the way to provide a better life for a child.

Lori Carangelo, Americans For Open Records (AmFOR), wrote:

Both closed and open adoption has been touted as providing a "better life" for a child through a stability of home, care and material advantage--something that no social worker or baby broker can predict nor guarantee. When Bill was born, in 1961, as today, the unwed mother is blamed for a variety of societal ills, yet most "adoptables" are now being placed with single and gay adopters. [Only 16% of adopted children are being adopted into the idealized "2-parent" family - ref: http://amfor.net, top of page] Children are being adopted to satisfy needs of adults to have a stranger's child "grow in the skin of the child they could not otherwise have." [ref: Chosen Children, https://www.amfor.net/chosenchildren/]

No other expression of child custody imposes loss of basic civil and human rights on all parties as adoption does. [ref: Human Rights & Adoption at http://amfor.net/humanrights.html] Assertions about having a happy life overall may be true of many adoptees' and especially from the perspective of an adoptee raised in Beverly Hills among celebrities, laughs, glitz and glamour, despite gossip columnists' and online message boards derogatory comments that appear along with the tributes to Milton Berle and Bill's own depiction in his book, My Father, Uncle Milty. In adoption, as with any type of child abuse, there are survivors at one end of the scale who are quite happy with or adjusted to their lives, while at the other end of the scale there is an over-representation of adoptees in America's mental institutions and prisons. [ref: Statistics of Adoption http://amfor.net/statistics.html] There are more alternatives for "stupid girls" who get pregnant and their "idiot" boyfriends (as Bill refers to young parents), and their offspring, than adoption or abortion. See Alternatives to Adoption at http://amfor.net/alternatives.html


Children's Right to Truth Comes First

Frances Stein, Fort Worth, Texas, wrote:

"Every adopted child's right to know should over exceed any birth parent's wish for privacy. Since when in our country do children's rights not come first?"

AmFOR Note: Frances didn't have to attack anyone to make her point simply and understandably. Lorinda, on the other hand, apparently doesn't know the issue, so resorts to personal attacks.

Anyone can have "their own" records sealed, but adoption affected adults are not permitted to open their own sealed birth and adoption records. A birth record does not belong to one person. BOTH the parents and the child named in that record have a legitimate interest in it.

The National Council For Adoption (NCFA), a monied adoption industry lobby, and other special interest groups, work to keep adoption affected persons' records sealed against their will, to cover up abuses by the system, and to censor and harass those who oppose that effort.


Adoption is the commodification of children.

Lori Carangelo, Americans For Open Records (AmFOR), wrote:

Adoption commodifies children according to supply and demand of the market, in what is now a multi-billion dollar adoption industry. Short-cutting the process through unconstitutional legislation is geopolitical child stealing. What happens when supply exceeds demand? Romania's neglected orphans are one example. When infertility and/or the economy is in decline, the market for adoptables decreases.

Unlike adoption, guardianship and co-parenting removes profiteering from child custody schemes and already have the components for individualized custody that many adoption "reformers" want in adoption.


 

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